The other night I woke myself crying, quite hysterically. I had dreamt that my (unborn, non existent) baby had died, I was holding it my arms. Later, in the dream, I found myself entering a house where my grandmother (who passed away a few years ago) was, she was singing a baby to sleep. the dream has lingered this passed few days, much like all my dreams do, but never with this strange mystery.
Last night I dreamt I made a film just like a 'Gregg Araki' film. It was short but to the point, but with a sudden burst of extreme violence. I awoke with major tummy ache. There was a huge amount of detail in all the rooms, with bright colors and crazy 80's patterns. I think I'll write a screenplay and try film it in the summer.
Today is day 1 of my 'Scottish sculpture workshops' residency. Lumsden is quite pretty, despite it only being one street. I'm very happy to see greens again and have some fresh air. I think I'll be taking a few walks this week. In particular to see some old abandoned cottages up the hill.
I'm staying in a nice housie up the road with a few staff that work here. Everyone seems really nice so I'm feeling more relaxed. There are also 4 french students just started so that's also nice. I've got my own studio, which is massive and also an extra dark space just off it for my video work. It still feels really strange but I guess with only two weeks here, I'd best shake that fast.
I had my first meeting this morning, which went great. I feel a bit more excited about my ideas and past work, as it was received well, and they seem excited about it all. Perhaps I need to work a bit more on my articulation though. In fact I know I need too. It's a wonder anyone understand what the hell I'm on about.
I find it funny that my work is so out there sometimes and I'm so um... awkward?! Socially I totally am, until I get to know people. I never used to be this way and I don't really know why I am. I can be confident though and change myself to suit a situation... it's just not entirely comfortable. I don't want to be anyone I'm not, but I also don't want to be like this anymore. I think this residency will be good for more than making and developing my practice.
Oh the sun has come out again, so on that note.