I go back and forth forever, all my thoughts they come in pairs
Oh, I will, I won't, I do, I don't, I'm not surprised, but I never feel quite prepared.



I will find my fears and face them
I will cower like a dog


I will kick and scream
I will kneel and plead





I'll fight like hell, to hide that I'm giving up.

Gray's School of Art Degree Show 2012

Overview of my space

Aching to pupate

Performance.

  

Enter (L'Origine du Monde)

Etiquette. 

My anus, your mouth, her pussy.

Tabula Rasa

Hysterical paroxysm.

equal marriage

Today's a big day, not only for us queers, but for Scotland and everyone who's shown their continued support for our equality! 


It's been 3 years of Equality Network equal marriage work and today is finally the day that the scottish cabinet is expected to discuss plans to legislate for same sex marriage when it meets later today. 

BBC report and video  


Now I (and much to my partners dismay) will be the first to admit I'm not really the marrying type. I'm not exactly religious, so the idea of a 'marriage' as a religious ceremony doesn't quite appeal to me.  Luckily I believe in so much more and one day Steph and I will have a celebratory ceremony that we dream off, albeit it a humanist one, a buddhist or pegan wedding, an open air arts festival or an Annie Sprinkle special where we marry each year (7) under the colours of the chakras. LoveartLab is indeed my favourite of all the wedding ideas but sadly its a no go for miss Steph. (You can view each of the seven weddings on their site including the stunning programs, artist statements and the wedding photos.)

Cceremony details aside, if today doesn't go our way in legalising same-sex marraige, we don't get to choose, we don't get to plan and we're back to playing second fiddle to marriage with civil partnership. For so many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals who belong to a religion this is vitally important and they deserve this day. Its time to recognise the difference between civil partnership and marriage and recognise the inequalities.

However, Today is also incredibly important to every LGBT individual. It's not only about equal marriage, its about equality full stop. There are still so many inequalities for LGBT people nationally and worldwide and it's about time we weren't inferior just because of our sexualities, but equal because we're all people.

Regardless of the vote today, a million thank you's to all who have shown support and voted. 


Now for your viewing pleasure here's my favourite man in drag, Bobby at Glasgow Pride:

Aching to Pupate - a degree show supplement.

Keep running out of these little bookies so in the spirit of only one day left of the show, here is an online version.

Festival of the Erotic Arts.

Recently Steph and I received amazing news that our work was selected for this years festival of the Erotic Arts in Edinburgh.

Picked to join the collection of work to be shown in the white space Gallery is our collaborative piece The I, the you, and the we. 

If thats not enough Brazil's Top Magazine voted Festival of the Erotic Arts as one of the top ten events in the world in June 2012. Thats pretty pretty amazing news for the festival and also for everyone taking part.

Although the festival falls in the same week as degree show, meaning I'll have to leave on the Thursday,  I'm actually really really excited. Not only is going to be fun packed weekend of amazing activities, culture and learning, but I get to have a little break from all the hard work.

What's most exciting though is just knowing that the degree show isn't the end. Not that I ever thought it would be but I think the uncertainty of the unknown and whats to come can be overwhelming. Just knowing that making my best efforts to pave my way are paying off gives me incredible hope, far more than just simple relief. 

Oh May...

Full of surprises is the month of May; some good, some not so, but all worth the while.

I never thought I would be so so busy I would neglect ye olde blog, but its just been mental this past fortnight, but very very exciting as we've approached the the run up to degree show.

After some hiccups with Asda not printing my "inappropriate/explicit/copyrighted/facebook/google/
illegal/disgusting/suffocation" workbook photos and two hours of going through them all with staff, explaining that they are indeed mine and why a screenshot of my FCP workspace was not copyright or offensive, I left partially empty handed, with refund, as my photos were shredded.

I also spent a week preparing my vacuum pack and had my first official run through. It went very very well, but is still not fully running smoothly as the vacuum pump didn't create enough suction and I'm no longer allowed to use the schools vacuum cleaner (which worked amazingly) and until my own is tested I can't use that either.

However I did get to do enough of a test to know it works and the suction was good and the bag is sealed. Marianne and Naomi assisted me with the closing and operation as well as taking a few photos and videos. One of which captures my single most happiest moment of May: getting both feet off the ground:

I still have a lot of work to do on this, need to get it reassembled over the next two days really and get myself the best possible vacuum/pump for the job.

The rest of the show is coming together nicely though and things are starting to form over in the sculpture hall. I really admire the way they've all been working to get the construction and painting of the space done to maximize time for the work to go up. The third and second years have been helping like troopers, really encouraging to be honest. Some of our lot are gonna come in and help get the PEM spaces done and of course theres really no question about how well we work together in getting things done, fingers crossed the printmakers will get into their space tomorrow and we can get started on the rooms. 

I think it would be really great to get some vinyl lettering of all our names to go in our spaces to show cohesion in the group. Marianne suggested the same sheeting Callums year used, so we can weigh it up. Might be an idea to do statements and titles too.

I'm almost almost ready with all my work finished or in their final stages for the show. It's going to be so exciting (and terribly stressful) to start installing the work.

Naked as we came.

She says wake up, it's no use pretending

 I'll keep stealing, breathing her

thanks to Kirsty for the photos

Project Slogan Consortium Opening

So recently, I signed up to be part of the Project Slogan consortium. The idea is similar to a collective and as a group we are responsible for Sarah's well established gallery just off of union street in Aberdeen.

We're still in the early stages where we're testing the water with certain projects and ventures whilst getting to know each other a little better. A few members will only be using the space for a small slotted time, but the majority of us have similar ideas about having a wide range of opportunities that we, each other and visitors can benefit from. The schedules filling up nicely and I really hope to use my time there for my own artistic practice, and also as a platform to become more active in the community and certainly within certain areas and issues.

We had a very casual opening with some wine and chat. We had some work up and Sheena even had her jewellery stall out. It was rather successful and mostly just nice to officially start.

Here are some websites of those who took part:

Marianne

Adrian

Sheena Antoinette

And some photos from the night:

A few of us are looking to work together at events, such as The North East Open Studies week. I suggested we organised an open exhibition and also run a few talks/workshops for people to get involved with. Fingers crossed I can do a few test runs in the summer to see how this might work.

As for my own time there I hope to obviously have a show or two, most likely curate a few shows that I believe should be seen. I know first hand how difficult it is to find a space in Aberdeen that accepts your work for what it is and gain support when you're working in subjects that others keep clear of. Its for that reason I'd like to support artists working in confronting and uncomfortable themes.

I'm also planning on hosting a regular feminist group. As we stand now, the group has been been formed for a while with regularly meeting but no fixed base. Something that has recently come up within the group is the lack of a feminist art community. This of course isn't going to be purely for those associated for Grays, but anyone from all walks of life and creating work, engaging with art (in practice or theory) in any form. I'd really like to have our first meet arrange before I leave Grays. I think it would mean a lot to know all my hard work this year has and is continuing on.

Lastly, during the day we're using the gallery as a sort of office space, so I thought I'd test it (when quiet) as a photo studio. So as a small break for myself I got the kids through from Banff and did a little shoot :)

Who took the bomp?

The only thing keeping me sane through the long slog of video editing:

Le Tigre always know how to make it better. Deceptacon will always remain a song that not only means a lot to me, but makes me genuinely happy! Goodness knows I need it as I try and sift 17hours of footage down to 30 minutes.

I also found the best response to the question "Are you a feminist?" Via the legends that are The Raincoats:

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT BE!?!"

exactly.



This is what editing in the new FCP looks like:

 Looks can be deceiving; its still really hard despite the shiny and simple interface. All the same a joy to work in, I just super can't wait for all this editing to be done.

However I did make three brand new pieces of 'art' last week, but thats a blog for another time.

SEE YA LATER!

Workshop part 2

So I finally managed to complete my structure for the vacuum pack last week. The drilling was quite hard on the circular tubes, as they had to be perfectly straight right through and also identical either side to match up with the wood. In the end I managed just fine and have managed to temporarily erect the structure in the quad. I'll keep it there so that I can work on the vacuum part and risk assessment after the holidays. Really can't wait for the day I'm inside it and know that its all going work fine and look great too.

So far its really steady and I managed to walk in and out the PVC no bother. I've taking the PVC down for now to make it air tight and add the tubes. So far so good!

I'm glad I've got this far and now I can concentrate on getting other projects this far along.

I've also spent a bit of time planning my degree show space. Due to the nature of my subjects and the complexity of some of the pieces I've chosen to make an inclosed space. I think this really suits my work. So far I envision the space to look like this:

Obviously a little premature with wall planning, but its more for knowing which work is finished and might be included. I also want to eliminate any pressure so I'm trying my best to be as organised an I can. I get a bit panicky in general and just want to enjoy the process of producing a good show instead of worrying.

I'm really glad to have a few days of quiet. I've really missed the theory/contextual side of my work and also the spontaneous mad way of working. I haven't had a chance to feel free recently, everything with building has been so so planned and also the same for working on the documentary.

I plan to spend the week letting meditation guide me practically for a while and also catching up on my dreaded workbooks of course...