No Lies, Just Love.

International Women's Day.

2012-03-06T14:37:00.002Z

As part of women's week, Aberdeen university's students association are holding a week of events including the Reclaim the Night march (poster above)

A list of their events can be found here and also on facebook (which is linked from their site).

The Reclaim the night event which is on Thursday the 8th of March includes a day of banner making, a talk about the history of the march and then the evening event itself which starts at 7pm at St Nicholas Square. This is an international event and I'm really thrilled to see it happen in Aberdeen, despite the lack of support from the council. As well as taking part I will be interviewing those involved, in the hope to spread further awareness of the issues that are still current and relevant today.

On the saturday there is an extra special day of events:

International Women's Day: screening of "Women Art Revolution"

screening of "Women Art Revolution" (2010) by Lynn Hershman-Leeson, at 2pm on Saturday March 10th at the Belmont Picturehouse

Hosted by: Belmont Picture House

To celebrate International Women’s Day in Aberdeen this year we will be screening ‘Women Art Revolution’, the 2010 film by Lynn Hershman-Leeson, at 2pm on Saturday March 10^th at theBelmont Picturehouse. This will be followed by a series of academic talks, live debate, burlesque dance, and comedy performances from 4pm at the Bar Below in the Belmont.

This event is in collaboration with the local artist Merlyn Riggs, who will be staging a separate performance to celebrate the Day. The event will be Participatory Art piece based on the theme of Fairy Tales.

Merlyn’s event will be on Saturday 10^th March from 10 am until 12 mid-day in The Golden Zone (outside Marks and Spencer).

Myself and Naomi will be doing a performance at the after screening event in the Belmont bar, We'll also be doing a Q&A about the performance and specifically my thoughts on post-feminist/post-gender theory. Really excited to be part of it all. I'll also be filming the event (along with the others in the week) as part of my equality documentary based here in Aberdeen.

All pretty exciting things happening this week. and I have every faith that we're making the right steps.

On a personal, internal note, this; these experiences are really shaping my ... uhm... studies? No, It's more than that... perhaps I'll just think about that for a while.

I'm very happy anyway with all thats currently involved within my practice.

spill.

2012-03-05T20:25:00.001Z

and now onto something I little more pleasant. Recently I've done millions of things, which is great but oh so tiring. I've stopped for a couple of days before things get hella busy again with filming. Here are some photos from the past few weeks:

Some footage stills that I quite like. Adding some text over the top with a typewriter and seeing what works and what doesn't.

I've been working with a blow up doll a lot this year, a short video piece is the first of things to come that I've shown some people. I've done some photos too, and used some stills to give an overview of the work. The video will be converted back onto tape to be exhibited in a handheld camera.

I've also been spending quite a bit of time planning and experimenting with vacuum packing. The general idea is to vacuum pack myself and become the actual living art. I think I've made some progress this month with this so fingers crossed it all goes well

I made a large sealable bag that was fitted with two tubes - one for the vacuum and one for air. initial testing involved a hospital mask to make sure that I could breathe within the bag. After a short while I braved it without and it actually felt better. I think the trick is to create a good pressure balance for the air to naturally come in but without the vacuum losing any suction. it went rather well I think without to much hassle.

I've been trolling the net for the best possible materials, both for construction and for the actual sheeting. After a rather tormenting time I found the perfect PVC for the job. It arrived on Friday - Hurrah! So i've been able to look at that. I wont be working on it until the framing is ready just incase I make size mistakes or puncture it. I did lie inside it today though :)

It felt rather nice and I love that it is actually glass clear. Now to just find a way of removing some of the folds.

I've been spending quite a bit of my time in the studio. I've been setting myself times to be in by and stay until. It's nothing to do with not working hard really, it's more about not losing myself again. I'm kinda making up for the lost studio/interaction time my brain has made me suffer over the winter period. Truth be told I think I'm also aware we only have a few months left to actually work in the school. At times it can be quite nice as well as busy and I think I'll miss that.

Here are some photos from up top.

and down below.

oh la la an Original Sarah J Stanley "Does art make you cum".

This is my space in all its glory, its actually strange how quickly spaces change. Already over the last two days its changed.

We also had the pleasure of some outdoor music in the quad the other day. It was very nice and we had a wee dance. Then the sun set and it looked like this.

Steph has also been working very hard (after work hours) on some Jewellery. She is currently using cameos and the typewriter and some resin and some glass to great some lovely necklaces and bracelets

We've also had some down time where we mostly eat pancakes;

have cocktails at vintage sales;

nap with the cats;

and go see the singing kettle with small people.

Keywords

2012-03-05T19:01:00.004Z

Oh people of the internet, how you make me smile with your keywords and google image searching. Can't quite understand why my blog comes up when the weirdest searches... nope can't quite figure that one at all :d

Anyway was rather shocked to see my ugly bruised mug appear with the above search, but there it is in all its glory.

And heres my personal favourite:

Oh dear.

Can blindly continued fear induced regurgitated life-denying tradition be overcome?

2012-02-19T14:39:00.002Z

I have approximately 16/17 half finished projects swimming about my head right now. This is how it looks.

What a mess.

However I feel a strange clarity in what I need and want to do. Goodbye web of tangled projects. Time to focus on the few that will make a difference to my life.

Free Love and other queer stories

2012-02-19T13:54:00.001Z

So we had our preview night at Project Slogan, last Friday, for the documentary. The purpose of the night was to engage people with the project; to continue being public and active with our progress and positively promote equality and awareness of LGBTQ issues in Aberdeen.

It went really really well and I was a bit surprised by the large turnout. So fantastic to see different people from different walks come along and watch the very short preview and have a chat about how they can be involved.

Stuart very kindly documented the event for us so we could be more available to chat. He did a rather fantastic job of creatively capturing the atmosphere, without being intrusive in such a small space.

Footage of the night will be added to the documentary, We've chosen to focus on our journey as we go through this as its particularly important to us that we remain honest.

I made a time lapse of the event:

(Which will go right about here once its done processing.)

And some images/stills from the night.

The newly formed RGU:LGBT have been very supportive and in turn we hope we can best represent them. Its been a terrible shame that there hasn't been an LGBT society at RGU for the past 3 years, but now with the aid of ABFAB at Aberdeen Uni and some very committed members the LGBT students at RGU can be represented. They have there own website now with some great events that I hope to attend. You can visit it here

We hope to finish the 30 minute documentary around May with screenings both at Project Slogan and the Belmont Cinema. Very very exciting times ahead.

Campaign against GCC Public Entertainment License Petition and Meeting

2012-02-11T19:39:00.000Z

SIGN THIS!!!

http://www.change.org/petitions/glasgow-city-council-scrap-public-entertainment-licence-fees

AND JOIN THIS!!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/292474694148218/

2012-02-01T11:14:00.000Z

CLICK CLICK CLICK

Over and out...

2012-01-30T19:55:00.000Z

6 months, 11 vaginas, 5 penises, 1 changed gender & sexual orientation identification and 62 glorious pages! This dissertation is finally done:

I'm a Cyborg, but that's okay: An I-story of sexpositivity; Transhumanism and the cohesive Power of Individuation.

I'll probably make this available to read as a PDF via my webpage, but until then if anyone wants to offer feedback or just have a nosey, just comment for a copy and I'll email one over :)

Friends and their doings

2012-01-24T13:48:00.002Z

My wee friend Rachel from Peterhead who now lives all the way down in London has opened up her very own Vintage shop!! How bloomin' cool. Its an online store so it means all us deprived souls up in Aberdeen can buy some lovely vintage goods.

Rachel, much like Steph, Works more than the average person in a job that doesn't make one happy, so to come home each night and work on a project like this deserves a lot of kudos!

You can visit 'Cute Vintage' here

She frequently updates her site with new goods and also with blogs and competitions, so sign up to the mailing list.

Her manwife Jamsey helps oot aswell, He also manages bands and events. You can find out more about that here.

Speaking of music, my pal Amy's manwife Scott has his very own band here in Aberdeen. They are called SilverbySkyline. Right now they in the running to play at various festivals this summer through Redbull's bedroom jam competition.

HERE!

Please vote them a 5* and watch some of there YouTube videos

This would be a great for the band and Aberdeen music. They're currently 2nd high rated but need to rely on social networking to get anywhere (hence the blog). They are playing Snafu this week and also have a few other gigs coming up.

In the world of words, Chris who worked with Steph at Books and Beans spent the whole of last year and perhaps the year before that writing a wee book. Its currently on sale via Amazon kindle (and kindle apps) for download HERE. Although it's far from the book world I live in, I'm rather proud that Chris set out to write this and publish it. Proving things can happen if you put your mind to it!

Lastly and most importantly if you didn't already know my very own Ladymiss:

Stephanooz (blog) has been working very hard on a few things: she now writes for The Skinny on a new deviance blog called Anarchy in the Cellophane. They are rather funny so give them a read and let her know what you think.

Secondly, although not currently available, Steph has been working hard on some vintage jewellery concepts, which look pretty awesome. I made here a wee logo to celebrate this awesome venture:

The website isn't up and running yet, but watch this space for some rather nice bling.

Aaaaand in the world of cats:

Skrinkle and the new addition Howl just like to bosie:

Pre-Degree show 2011

2011-12-29T13:36:00.000Z

So we had our pre degree show like a month ago, but its never to late to show the photos. Overall I thought the opening night was a success. Limousine bull turned out to be just the right size for our collective work. And despite being a little further from the city centre the turnout was good.

Huge kudos to Stu for the show reel, as it turned out really nice,especially on that wee window bit.

This is the work I exhibited. These large prints were originally Polaroids. I used the negative part (which I bleached to create after developing time) and scanned them through to get the best results and options for exposure, colour etc in a rather tight timescale. Hopefully I can work with these in the darkroom in the new year.

My Anus, Your Mouth, Her Pussy.

This second piece is Originally a Guerrilla Girls broadband piece, to find out more about it and also why I used it in the show visit their site here

Heads of state.

From their site:

When the Office of Curating and Theory at Zurich University of the Arts invited us to contribute to a show of downloadable posters, we came up with Heads of State, inspired by recent events. The Poster comes as a set of 16 easy-to-print pages that can be downloaded, assembled and prominently pinned up. Upon seeing the GGBB offering, the Zurich curators excluded it from the show without explanation. When asked was our work too shocking we were told; “No one is shocked by penises these days” – so we invite you to test this theory: download here and assemble.

Here is some other work from the show:

The performance that Naomi and I did was also a success. I felt really great and so right for the time and moment, both for the show and also just for the stage I'm at.

I will upload the footage of that once I've got it all together.

Gfest Novemeber 2011

2011-12-29T12:55:00.000Z

So I never did get round to updating my blog with all my goings on, so (in short) here is what happened.

We (Steph and I) went to London and it was all kinds of awesome. Firstly it was nice going to London with actually money. Every other time we've gone down its been a 1p budget. We're no richie rich's but we actually managed to save a wee bit so we didn't look like the Aberdonian tattiebags we normally look like. Spending money in Camden was a rare treat, but just being there is enough for us.

Anyway, being invited down to show our work with other artists from all over, was scary but wonderful. The collective work was really great and the opening night was... it was actually very much like other opening so I didn't know why I was so scared about it. Our friend's Rachel and Jamesy came and so did Steph's totally awesome Uncle Ian and his Partner Malcolm. It was so so nice to see thme and have support and just actually hsare the moment. I think they were more excited than us.

Here is some photos I took on the night:

My favourite piece was by The trope Troupe and called Departures 3.02.

Description: This screen-based 'travel information system', seems like a twisted admonition to 'behave' ourselves on holiday, but is, in reality, a shocking reminder that, around the world, so many gay people's sexuality is still criminalised.
About the artist: The Trope Troupe, using found objects, adapted technology, appropriated cultural artefacts and processed digital media, creates montage, collage and bricolage and has exhibited at Kinetica Art Fair, Duckie in London and Shout in Birmingham.

Everything about this piece reminds me why its important to make art, why I want to make art and why I do. I'm still in complete awe at the use of technology and also how the simplicity of the text is so hard hitting. Work like this needs to be made, it needs to public and reach people who just don't understand the issues LGBT individuals still face around the world.

All in all the experience of my first London exhibition was fantastic and I only wish I could've stayed for the whole festival.

Here is a wee video that was made of the events:

For more information on Gfest look here!

Amnesiac

2011-12-29T12:27:00.000Z

Three weeks and counting I've lost to flu's and viruses. One seem to be calming down and then I catch another. Needless to say I'm not a huge fan of my immune system at the moment. Saying that - with my latest diagnosis, my whole body seems to be failing me. Even though it came as no shock, knowing that I have arthritis makes me really sad. I'm trying not to let it get my down, as the newer medication can reduce symptoms and fingers crossed stop it from getting any worse, but it is hard.

Normally when my physical being is failing me, I get a bit head strong, I've kinda always been great with that. Things seem to be going a little differently just now. It could just be winter, it might just be the extra pressures right now. Either way I'm not feeling at all myself. and I kinda miss her.

Fear stalks the land.

2011-11-28T14:25:00.001Z

This past few months my tolerance of idiotic, rude, ignorant, racist, homophobic and you know what, damn right disgusting people has really been tested. This video really demonstrates that bigoted people still exist and even worse their very opinions being passed down (loudly) to their children. It would be interesting to see how this child's life and tolerances are shaped.

and you wonder why I prefer the comfort of my own home and studio. Public transport and the streets are riddled with situations like this. Every comment made, every ethnic slur really does count towards this woman's outburst. Although everyone (and I'm sure its definitely everyone) I know would agree that these/her opinions are disgusting, this woman is speaking up for a minority of haters, no matter the size, they exist and its terrifying.

I used to have this quote on my wall from a Radiohead poster:

"I am awake at 4am to the terrifying , undeniable truth that there is nothing I can do to stop the monster."

UPDATE:

“@londontonight: BREAKING: A 34 year old woman from New Addington has been arrested for racist comments made in a Youtube video #tramrant #MYtramexperience” - via twitter.

Hopefully there is some truth to this. Video saves the day :p

sums it up

2011-11-21T15:40:00.001Z

Everything in its right place II

2011-11-21T11:50:00.001Z

I've spent the weekend trying to file and organise my brain so that I can sit and think about whats actually important and worth saying and doing. Filtering has been hard, but I think I've come to a point where I see that things can't stay the same.

If I'm to move parallel to my contextual studies then its time to take this all somewhere further.

Over the weekend I've been exploring ways too take the mediums/technologies I'm working in (photography, video, performance) and see how I can push there limitations and my personal limitations with them. If I'm not going to challenge that part of my self then there is little point circling my present practice and thinking its enough. I believe there must be world of self merit in the trying, even if the results are not so... desirable.

Performance has been a sort of back bone but in the back of head all of last year. Instead of going out and actually performing, I was studying it, readying myself. Using performance as a meditation and filming it all. I needed to test myself. For sure I used the evidence to my practical and creative advantage in terms of documentation but it's all been towards the same body of work and what I like to call performative work.

This year I feel ready to confront performance. I feel ready to enjoy and embrace performance and also put forward why I believe it deserves its rightful platform within contemporary arts. I've had a few ideas of how I might tackle all of this. Starting this Friday I will be performing in collaboration with Naomi at our Pre Degree show. In preparation I'll be doing a little meditation each day. May sound just a little pedantic but I believe that by relaxing the body, you can open yourself up a lot more to the experience, thus giving and taking a lot more from it.

From this (and in combination with other mediums) I thought about other platforms performance could exist or other mediums could exist. I've been exploring ways to move forward. In line with my CCs technology is one way to go with that. I've looked a game platforms and how one can create a world where art can exist in whatever way you want it.

For instance, gender plays a large role in my practice, to the point where I no longer want to be identified by my birth sex. In an ideal world (for me anyways) I'd like to perform without the male/female stigmas, so looking out with the boundaries of a stereotypical physically live performance, you could create this. Or create/recreate yourself or even create several alter egos or pseudonyms. There are several ways this could be realised. 1. A virtual website specifically set up for performance that could be a live feed or completely animated. 2. An already developed game/site that has a million other users.

To make this short, 'Second life' would be the best way forward. So as per everything, I research this concept and find this:

Eva and Franco Matte

The couple perform together in Second life and also do re-performances (including my favourite performance - 'SeedBed' by Vito Acconci).

This is an example of what they do - 'Synthetic performances'

I find it interesting that not only do the performances happen live inside the game, but they are also controlled live by the artists. Usually with there performances, there is a live feed or actually game play form a gallery.

Although its hard not to kick myself, I'm mostly excited about what they do and also how there is still so much room to find my own place within this if I so wish. I think this definitely something I can with in terms or gender, sexuality and limitations.

Along with this I've been thinking about the limits of a standard image. Every so often someone will say something about photographs having no sound, but I believe they do. At least in terms of radio waves/sound waves and frequency. Something maybe I'll look into the new year.

Lastly in my need to develop/combine/find something that breaks a typical photo format is the idea of incorporating video or movement (larger than shutter time) to a single frame. Obviously this is something thats been giving the most attention on a larger scale and even avatars created by teenagers borrow these technologies. Anyways I found these and I thought they were really nicely executed and quite beautiful:

If we don't, remember me

(click on these to see them move)

“You know what? If everything’s going bad, we’re going bad as well.”

Sedmikrásky (1966)

“We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.”

The Truman Show (1998)

“Dave!”
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

“She might have fooled me, but she didn’t fool my mother.”
Psycho (1960)

“I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair … but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust.”

American Psycho (2000)

“I was a ghost. I didn’t see anyone. No one saw me. I was the barber.”
The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001)

There are actually far to much that work so good. Certainly food for thought.

I'm glad I've been able to clear my head a little, at least enough to enjoy this week in the lead up to the exhibition. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

Pre Degree Show

2011-11-20T21:46:00.001Z

I'm getting quite excited about our wee PEM4 pre Degree show. Feels like its been forever since the Pier show. There's something really great about the dynamic of the class that works so well for exhibitions (and everything else obviously, on account on us being so awesome).

Pretty sure I'm happy with what I'm putting forward but a wee but more time would've been great to allow some choice of finished works.

I'm also really excited about the Performance Naomi and myself Will be doing on the night. The performance will start at 8pm if you're keen on seeing it make sure your in before then.

http://www.limousinebull.org.uk/

London calling...

2011-11-02T13:54:00.003Z

Even though we have the scary responsibility of getting the sculpture to the gallery in London safely (on a megabus might I add), we're super excited to be able to go somewhere and not have do anything except the things we love to do.

I'm not the slightest bit packed but this little lady is, all ready for her box:

Dropping off the sculpture before the weekend gives us a bit of time to check out some galleries and stuff. Since we had to cancel our summer visit to London to see Tracey Emin's big show, I'm super excited to know she's got a wee show on with self portraits. Definitely be checking that out.

Tracey Emin - WhiteCube

Also heading out to Camden, obviously to do a bit of shopping and to see the proud gallery - A Joy division show is on, so that's be good. Also at Proud Chelsea is Andy Warhol - The factory! Excited for that.

Andy Warhol - Proud Galleries

Tate Modern is always on the list, In light of my dissertation I'll probably spend an hour or so watching 'Meat Joy' again.

Last but certainly not, not, NOT least is a small exhibition as part of the LGBT arts festival. That Steph and I (as Eloquent Graffiti) as proud to be exhibiting in.

It may not be much to some, but this is actually the best I've done this far in my career. The best part is that its a starting point. One that just so happens to be in London. I've never been so excited. Although we feel a little overwhelmed with all the other artists, we're just going to have fun with it, be confident and drink wine with our old and new London friends.

GFest - Dreamspace Gallery

Summer in the city...

2011-11-02T11:07:00.000Z

I turned 26 in the summer.

After giving it a lot of thought, I'm not entirely up nor down about that fact. I like the number 26.

Here are some photos I took in the summer, as a 26 year old:

I Spent some time with the family, which inevitably turns into photo time.

So here is Hayden and Sofia enjoying a sunny day with Auntie Laura.

I took some photos for a radio/music/production company. Which was fun and also paid so that's a bonus.

I took some photos for myself whilst on location at that job, (not that torry's exclusive nor far).

I slept some and spent time with the kitty cats. This photo makes me look like some sorta cat lady, I guess I am... even now I have a cat in my lap. haha.

But looks they are cute ^.^

I played games on my phone...

but then it was Stephs birthday so I took her to the beach,

we also went to Ballater:

and Edinburgh (for the fringe):

Outside the Forrest cafe, such an amazing place.

Evelyn Eveyly (Amanda Palmer & Jason Webley) at the fringe.

A video of what they sound like singing and playing Piano as one:

Another video from that awesome set that I took where they cover 'Lean on me':

AND Glasgow to see Amanda Fucking Palmer:

A video I made from that, where AFP covers 'Friday' by Rebecca Black but its written from the perspective of a prostitute. Pretty funny!

And finally full circle, its that time again to take photos of the kids:

I guess where words fail and all that...

I lost myself...

2011-10-31T17:13:00.000Z

So things are starting to heat up a little in terms of work, responsibilities and pressures. In only good ways however.

I haven't wrote a blog since August. So really this is the first of the semester. I had a truly excellent crit on Friday. Not just in relation to my work but the whole day (for me) anyway felt so refreshing and helpful. I'm really excited not only about where I'm at but where others are too. In terms of work it seems like this year is gonna be a great one for the degree show.

I've been a bit hesitant this month with uni and art in general. After quite a bad summer and the continuation of several mental blocks I've felt really lost. I kept telling myself to just get on with it, the moments that feel real will come and its then that it will hit me... the feeling of knowing where I'm at and why its so important.

On Friday I felt that.

I truly did lose my drive... for a minute there, I lost myself.

Last week I really got back into the whys. Why am I doing what I'm doing?

Honestly, without it I'd be nothing. I am what I do, above all I really fucking LOVE it!

SO! From now its heating up, and I'm going to prove why I'm here and why its so important I do what I do.

For now, I'm going to enjoy a night of Halloween film with my lady, I'm going to have an absolutely fantastic time in London showing of my arts! And I'll catch up with my abundance of draft blogs!

Free Love - the whole story.

2011-08-17T15:07:00.003+01:00

Last weekend (12-14^th August), was the Aberdeen Alternative-Pride festival. A weekend that according to their website stated:

We believe Pride is a political tool. Aberdeen has a long way to go in the fight for liberation; hate crime against the community is not a rare occurrence, neither is discrimination. HIV is still a problem. As a local community we are challenged on a daily basis. On an international level people across the world are attacked and murdered for attending Pride. Pride gives us the opportunity to unite together; to fight for liberation and to celebrate our diversity.

Pride as a political, social tool, is something which I thoroughly agree with. I pride myself on my art which I believe stands for freedom of expression and sex-positivity. I believe that art which pushes the envelope and provokes discussion can help change the world for the better and I wish to be on the forefront of this dialogue. Recently, I was featured in Central Station’s featured work section with this image which was also selected for the exhibition:

All 11 individual pieces, from 4 sets of work, I submitted to the Alternative-Pride committee was selected for exhibition. The exhibition was hung on Friday 13^th August and all members of Alternative-Pride and the Arts Centre’s own Executive Manager viewed it before opening. The evening went extremely well with a great turn out.

However, on the following Monday afternoon, I received a phone call from one of the committee members stating my work needed to be moved/removed following complaints.

The work in question included both sculptural/written word work and photographic work:

Both the committee member and I agreed over the phone that this was a complete outrage and we were not to comply with this request. It seemed to me, to be odd that the arts centre would not stand by work which was already cleared for exhibition and would turn their back on me as soon as anything negative was said. It became clearer, throughout my communications in the day, that the main issue was funding. The arts centre seemed to be afraid that if this type of work was visible to patrons and users of the centre then funding could be pulled.

Shortly after this, I received further communications from the Alternative-Pride committee which retracted any offer of support and was a complete U-turn on what was said previously.

I am being put in a really difficult position here because i don’t want to risk not having any space for exhibition next year, on the other hand i feel very personally upset about it … we can make enemies – The Arts Centre is closely connected with Aberdeen performing arts I.E Music Hall and Art Gallery and HMT … i am just thinking about other artists as well … I have to take into consideration the overall well-being of the event.

The committee (who earlier had stated that they were “honoured” to showcase my work said that I should just comply to the Arts Centre’s request to as not to “cause a fuss” and seemed to totally disregard any positive message that visibility of my art was trying to do. The committee told me that the Arts Centre had threatened to make it very difficult for Alternative-Pride to plan an event next year – in terms of both venue and funding. I understand the pressure that the Alternative-Pride committee felt at this point. However, personally, the most devastating part of this whole ordeal is the betrayal of the Alternative-Pride committee. The same people who proclaimed to be taking “Pride back to the political” and we all about fighting for freedom and liberation; were the same people who would turn their backs on me as soon as any monetary funding was threatened. When I tried to make my point, that compromising the location of my art is detrimental to the entire message, I was asked, “Can you do it just for the sake of the other artists please?”

I was hurt at the attempt of emotional blackmail and my argument was, and always will be that my refusing to compromise my artistic beliefs IS for the sake of other artists. I am taking a stand that I will not be pressured into contradicting the message of my work in any way and I firmly believe that by taking a stand, I am helping artists, both that I have exhibited with and artists to come.

That evening, a decision was reached that both myself, and the Alternative-Pride committee would meet at the Arts Centre to discuss with the Executive Manager, the future of my work in the exhibition. I know at this point that if I was going to be made to move my work to a less visible area, I would rather remove myself from the exhibition completely.

While all this was going on, my partner Stephanie Torrance set up a Facebook event “Free Love” to rally support and spread awareness to the censorship of my works. This “Free Love” image was used as the face of the event and supportive Facebook users started to change their profile picture to “Free Love” to show their support.

Several debates erupted online with regards to the actions of the Arts Centre, the most prolific being one with Terrance Higgins Trust employee Alan Parker. I was shocked that someone from a gay sexual health charity would try and attack me as much as he did – until I found out that Mr Parker was also on the board of the Aberdeen Arts Centre. I found these attacks both hurtful and unprofessional. Unfortunately I cannot quote Mr Parker as all subsequent comments have been removed.

Feminist and literary academic (and also staunch “Free Love” supporter Jennifer Bowes replied with this:

I suggest that the arts centre reads its Foucault and consider what happens when you try to de-sexualise children in a sexualised world. Then I suggest it plans better; maybe some educational information for parents and children, a sign, a quick warning so that there is choice…? Lastly, how professional is it that Mr. Parker is discussing this on Facebook? Maybe not a good idea if the thought of public opprobrium is not to your liking. Although I think the real point is that you’re inviting LBGT artists to present themselves as part of the main artistic narrative and then sending out completely mixed messages to both these children and their parents, whose issues may or may not just be with what their children see, and then moving them back onto the margins. Communication and education would probably be a better way to present things next year, and prevent as many uneducated, backlash responses to work that needs to be seen.

I had a feeling at this point, that “Free Love” was stirring up much more feeling than I had anticipated!

On Tuesday 16^th, at 9.30am, my partner; a few supporters; the Alt-Pride committee and I met Executive Manager – Paula Gibson at the arts centre.

Paula and I talked professionally and calmly about the situation. As much as I don’t agree with the arts centre actions and views, I’m a reasonable person and understood where she was coming from and how her job is to protect and listen to the views of her patriots, as well as find a balance in pleasing visitors and exhibitors/performers. Apparently there were more than a handful of complaints from mothers concerned for the protection of their children due to the ‘offensive’ nature of my work. What was also apparent was that although Paula is just as strong in her convictions as I am, she did not know where I was coming from at all in my argument. She, like many others including Alan Parker and the rest of the AAC committee fail to understand the importance of art, in these respects. They also fail to follow through on support as well as sticking to the one story.

Deceptively, the go between prior to this meeting had crossed a lot of wires according to Paula, some of which I agree with – I was told my work was to be removed at one point, moved to less visible wall, it included most of my work, etc.

The final compromise offered was to have the sculptures moved to a less visible wall, out of sight and especially out with the eye level of children.

The outcome being my work was removed, as I failed to comply too the revised ‘compromise’ set by the arts centre committee, who among others chopped and changed their minds about how they wanted to handle the situation and what pieces were actually deemed ‘safe’. By moving work to a ‘less visible’ wall negates the entire message of my work. I will not compromise on my beliefs, nor will I admit my work is dangerous or offensive.

My argument is the only one that’s been consistently held here. I’m passionate about the arts and very dedicated to my work. Removing my work is only the start of what I’m prepared to stand for as I join the censorship crusade.

We are urging people to join out page over on Facebook to help combat against censorship in the arts and show your support for myself and other artists, such as Dani Marti who was censored in 2009 as part of the LGBT exhibition at GoMA.

If you can please also change your default photo to the free love image, although Facebook have been removing them and have this to say:

“You uploaded a profile picture that violates our Terms of Use and this picture has been removed. Facebook does not allow photos that attack an individual or group, or that contain nudity, drug use, violence or other violations of the Terms of Use.”

This level of censorship as we fight censorship is unacceptable. Surely we cannot take on the giant of Facebook and Google’s YouTube, but we will stand strong in solidarity.

Free Love <-- join the cause.

The censorship continues... on Facebook!

2011-08-16T18:46:00.000+01:00

Today I arrived home to this message from a friend:

"Got this message and no profile pic - "You uploaded a profile picture that violates our Terms of Use and this picture has been removed. Facebook does not allow photos that attack an individual or group, or that contain nudity, drug use, violence or other violations of the Terms of Use." "

The image in question is no other than this:

created be myself, exhibited in an LGBT pride show, only to be removed this morning due to its provocative nature and is now the face of my very own censorship campaign Free Love created by Stephanie Torrance to rally support and raise awareness.

The message has shocks and saddens me but doesn't surprise me. Two of the supporters have had there images removed and warned by Facebook. The likely cause is complaint by other users deeming it too offensive for public viewing, (Or as FB puts it, 'attacks' other users.)

This morning went as smoothly as it possibly could, despite some peoples attempts to fire off abuse to me via FB last night (which was all documented). I dealt with everything in a very calm and professional manner, stuck to my original belief and firmly stood by my work. The outcome being my work was removed, as I failed to comply to the revised compromise set by the art centre staff. Who among other chopped and changed their minds about how they wanted to handle the situation and what pieces were actually deemed 'safe'. By moving work to 'less visible' wall negates the entire message of my work. I will not compromise on my beliefs nor will I admit that my work is dangerous. I shall be adding all the detail to this later, as well as photos and conversations had discussing this matter.

As for this facebook matter, I'm stuck for where to go from here. It's obviously not something I wanted to happen but it has. The support has continued despite the images being removed and there are quite a few people who missed the show who want to see it. We might look at getting a alternative show at a small independent venue for those who want to join in, show work or come see some.

"I think the best thing in cases of censorship or things like this is to get as much media as possible." - Kathy Acker.

Censorship in Aberdeen

2011-08-15T16:23:00.004+01:00

Its been a while and I have some draft blogs ready to post but an urgent matter came to me today and it needs to be public.

I just received a call from the organiser of this past weekends 'Alternative LGBT pride in Aberdeen. A quick look at what was on offer:

)

She informed me that the 'Arts' Centre want my work moved/removed from the Exhibition as its too provocative and children can see it! I'm livid and disheartened. What an absolute joke - to be an arts centre, host an LGBT arts events, then strip the alt-pride team and myself of our freedom of expression. We're meant to be moving forwards aren't we? The LGBT community and in the arts. Words can't explain really.

The images in question:

Further more, as supportive as the Alternative pride committee are they've been put into quite the position as they risk losing venues and money for next years events if they are to protest the censorship with me. A position they've told me is difficult due to the threats from the Art Centre is we are to "make a fuss".

Over the course of a few hours this has unfolded quite a bit. I've found myself losing the support from the group, only to regain it, but at what cost.

Tomorrow morning 9.30am I will be going along to the art centre to talk with the management and pride committee and I guess remove, move or censor my work. This will not be the end of it.

There is no just in this at all . More shall follow once I know more that has gone on, including the works (yes plural) in question. Please offer my any feedback, encouragement or past experiences - I need them.

keywords...

2011-05-26T21:31:00.000+01:00

Found this rather funny from todays stats

Is pretty much the exact sentence I wrote about a month ago... except I think I wrote killing or dying instead of abondoning :S

My dream twin is out there. I wish people would say 'hi' when ever they type something into google and end up on my blog. Very funny the things people type into a search engine. I might have a look for some more.

SCOPE art London

2011-05-26T13:19:00.000+01:00

So I entered a photo that could be selected for SCOPE art in London. Chances are slim and I only have enough money to enter the one. There is however a peoples vote - so please please if you can spare a wee second click here to 5 Star Rate me :)

It looks like this and you can click the faaaar right star here -----------------------------v

P.S. You can vote once every day ;)

It's Friday I'm in Love.

2011-05-06T17:29:00.000+01:00

Another great day filled with good news, opportunities and steady (but sharply done) progress.

Today I saw the light at the end of another large project. This time a collaboration with Steph which involves found hardback books, written word and sculpture. The project isn't complete but having all the elements complete allowed me to arrange them how I'd like it. I've chosen to take extra time with this one in order to let it organically come together and not put to much pressure on both Steph and myself.

Steph worked really hard in between her two jobs to come up with three separate writing pieces that connect to one another and also my work. Although she worked to my concept, what she wrote about and in what style was entirely up to her. I find that the most exciting part of working with someone else. I couldn't be more thrilled with what she handed me last night - The final piece of writing. It included a line she wrote when we first met 4 years ago:

"Not with lust, not reckless impulse overlapping with regret, she kissed me. With the tender rhythm of affection and a history we don't remember, yet."

I haven't had time to take photos of it at this stage but here is a basic idea of my first experimenting:

This is extremely loose in comparison to any final work. The final piece will be in three and is initial aim was to compliment my photography in the first part of the semester - this piece:

Today was also a day of good news for myself, Marianne and Amy. We, as a collective were awarded the residency opportunity at Limousine bull.

I'm really really excited and actually quite proud that in the midst of all our work we came together and wrote a killer proposal. I'm sure in time we shall divulge information on our plans, but for now I'll hold on until we're all together and ready. All I can say is fourth year is going to be a very very busy time, but an extra exciting time!

Good Day.

2011-05-02T12:08:00.000+01:00

Well good days all round today - Osama Bin Laden has finally been brought to justice, and I finished all my video editing before noon. Insomnia has its perks at times. Now Its time for some Tomato soup and a wee nap before getting stuck into finishing my other projects and workbooks.

As a treat to you and I, one and all, I present: Heart (70's style) and FYI I can admit that Nancy Wilson in this video is indeed my dream woman of the 70's! Mostly for that guitar playing at the start, wow!

Progress

2011-05-01T16:07:00.000+01:00

After 4 full days of painting latex, pealing latex, placing latex, matching latex, dreaming latex, stopping the cat from eating latex, hoovering latex, crying at the latex I'm finally finished the coat of latex for the structure.

I think it's worth it alone just for this image:

I also like these ones:

And this is the final structure - ready for the video to be matched to. I feel its been worth it, it seems to have turned our exactly how I imagined it would. However it has been a huge pain and taking soo long. Fingers crossed the video can do it justice.

sunshine

2011-04-28T15:59:00.000+01:00

The other day My sister came to Aberdeen and we took Hayden and Baby Sofia to the beach. It was Sofia's first beach experience, which was too cute. So glad to have them in my life. I was also super glad to have a day away from all my study.

Oh dear

2011-04-28T14:25:00.000+01:00

I week and a half its been. I'm so so busy that I'm finding it hard to keep up with myself. And its not even the good kinda busy, I've hit panic mode.

Even though I know I always get finished for a deadline I cant help but be totally stressed out. My projects are going to plan but I feel overwhelmed with the many components that make them up. I think I can safely admit defeat in that I took to much on at once. Silly Laura. If I pull this off, it wont only be worth it, It'll be a miracle.

I'm sort of humbled by the fact I'm not put off completing knowing fine well I might not even get to sit my final year. I think I've numbed myself of the thought because I really really really want to complete my degree. I think I've worked hard enough to deserve too. I hate money. I really really fucking hate it.

Steph's pretty sure she wont be doing her MLitt in creative writing. We cant afford it. plain and simple but it fills me with such disgust that the things we want most, the things that can further us, complete us and make us happy are the things we cant have. I fully believe she doesn't need the MLitt to make her a better writer. She just needs the time and focus and a community to actually get a decent amount down on paper. It makes me sad that we cant just live how we want to live.

I think We should go live on an eco farm and work for ourselves and write and make art and just escape our impending doom.

Not really, we have the best super duper awesome idea ever and I really think we could get funding for it if we really tried. It would mean work on top of everything we're doing but we're gonna try. I wont say too much, but I think very soon I'll be getting really stuck into making our ideas possibilities .

For now though, I have about 4 projects to finish off in only 10 days, including this hot mess:

Oh dear.

2011-04-17T12:35:00.001+01:00

really don't know how I found the time but I did. I updated my website! cleared out lots of old stuff. Kept a bunch of old stuff and added lots of new stuff. Really just want to represent myself a little better. Not sure how long this site will be 'me' but I like it. Its a good balance of all the elements that make me up.

It was also a light relief from reading such heavy texts by John Milton, Susan Sontag and Julia Kristeva. I think my essay is coming together very nicely. I'm glad I took my time to work our exactly what needed to come through and not just run with all my floating thoughts and grand essay ideas. In the end it's all relating and I think, I just think I have an argument I believe in, think about and makes logical sense to the rest of the world.

I still haven't discussed any more about my time away nor went through the photos, but all in good time, not exactly a priority. I feel really busy, I am really busy and it doesn't scare me, I actually quite like it. Mostly because all the things I need to do are things I enjoy. Well maybe I can say that once this essay is in.

I'm very happy to be home and see Steph on a daily bases, even if it is just for a few hours (hard to believe that's all it, when we live together). London in June will be a such a nice break away, phew!

My sleeping is really bad right now. Last night in particular. I didn't get some sleep until 5am. Which would be fine if I didn't have to be up today. I need to find a way to fix it - without relying on concoctions of night nurse, tramadol and anything else lying about.

Anyway "great pate, but I gotta motor" if I'm going to get anything else done today.

OH and click!

Miranda July

2011-04-09T16:01:00.000+01:00

One more reason to love Miranda July (as if we needed one).

These images are kids activity pages that she made for the magazine "Apartmento".

Miranda july says:

'Apartamento means “apartment” in the spanish language. A child living in an apartment might get bored, as children everywhere do, and might therefore need an activity to do. Please print out these pages and give them to the bored child immediately, before he gets into any more trouble.'

On the subject of Miranda July. I have her CD '10 mIllion hours a mile'. Every so often in the 4 years of owning it I get crazy insanely jealous that I didn't make it. Its totally totally amazing. Its not music, its just pure amazing Miranda July-ness. I'm also lucky enough to have one of her early videos on VHS - t'was one of the best gifts I've received.

Fuck yes!

2011-04-09T15:49:00.000+01:00

Amanda Palmer - In My Mind.

I think I love the video, just as much as the lyrics. Quite beautiful. I miss Amanda Palmer.

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hungover
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I've become in-control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never fucking-up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver

And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful,
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over

Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older

And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
That that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
That I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't want to be the person that I want to be.

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground

I'll start pounding the lid,
Saying, "I haven't finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get,
It says, 'I'm living in the moment'".

And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually
See
That I am exactly the person that I want to be.

Fuck yes.

I am exactly the person that I want to be.

Home for the weekend

2011-04-09T12:22:00.000+01:00

and I'm totally exhausted.

Walks taking this week: 1.
Hours working away in the studio per day: +10.
Work complete: 0.

It's only the end of week one so having no actual work doesn't phase me, its not why I'm there, but I do know I'll have some things completed my next week, so that's an exciting bonus. I'm working on something fairly big, my 'Some of her parts' project. I'm so super excited about how its going. I have tons of documenting photos, but not the means nor time to put them up yet. Any spare time, mostly pre-bedtime, I've spent reading and preparing for this essay. I'm happy with my question and my research. My plan is a bit sketchy but I'm almost sure with all the prep in place, the writing wont be too hard. we shall see next week. Mostly I've been enjoying reading the amazingly big books on Louise Bourgeois I got. She's my new favourite favourite. I also learnt that Cindy Sherman made a movie. I've been trying to Download it but no such luck.

I've got a lot to do this weekend, re-shooting most of the footage today and also I've got some alginate home to play with. Got to have these things ready for next week, as I'll be super busy. Luckily I have 24 hour access to the studios so when my insomnia kicks I can just keep working. I hope people know I do this for no other reason than I love it. With the deepest of passions, I just want to make, remake, invent, re-invent, work, love, inspire and be inspired. If I Wasn't so lucky to get this opportunity, I would be doing the exact same thing... just without the facilities. I don't know why I care what others think. sometimes I think I sit on the fence even when it comes to my own arguments and life. I'm getting better at the whole confidence thing though and I trust myself and believe in my art. I really do value the opinions of others and maybe I just care so much because I want to hear them, and then I can do the not caring afterwards, perhaps.

I'll admit, there have been moments this week where I just wanted to come home... curl up in my own makeshift (pathetic) bedroom studio and wallow in my own self pity. I've felt so out of my depth and totally out of comfort zone. Its been a challenge, A real challenge, but one I'm glad to be doing. I've had to reassure myself so much: I do belong; I can make good things; I am intelligent. It's getting easier.

Anyway getting over most of that, I really knuckled down. Got a lot done on a structure I visualised using with the video (which is also going to be completely re-shot). I've learnt a wee bit about this and that and I'm feeling a lot more happier in myself. I've spent a lot of hours in my studio/on site/in workshops. Which is a complete turn around to the maybe 4 hours I'd sit at my desk in uni. Obviously its not that I don't work, its just my working methods. I don't like to be seen when in the 'making' process. I don't often show the real me either, but when I'm in that moment in my own space, I'm just entirely comfortable and free. A bit like in the Wizard of OZ, when the wizard is never seen, until the curtain is pulled back and its just this wee man, who's all scared and embarrassed like. He doesn't believe that such a wee man can be taking seriously to be the "great and powerful, wizard of OZ". Now I'm not saying I'm comparing myself to such a legend but in that moment with the curtain, sometimes I feel like that man: scared;waiting for the reaction and/or acceptance, but secretly knowing - I'm fucking doing this, I'm actually doing this (and in his case, "yeah so? I'm still the wizard of OZ... just in small man form and not big scary green firey thingy").

We're all just people, who share the same human emotions, needs, wants, what have you.

Anyway it's been good so say a few thoughts and check in, now I have to do some filming before Steph comes home from work. We're going to have a picnic in the garden :) and I'm just so happy to see her. She always knows the right thing to say.

Day 1 - SSW

2011-04-04T14:35:00.000+01:00

The other night I woke myself crying, quite hysterically. I had dreamt that my (unborn, non existent) baby had died, I was holding it my arms. Later, in the dream, I found myself entering a house where my grandmother (who passed away a few years ago) was, she was singing a baby to sleep. the dream has lingered this passed few days, much like all my dreams do, but never with this strange mystery.

Last night I dreamt I made a film just like a 'Gregg Araki' film. It was short but to the point, but with a sudden burst of extreme violence. I awoke with major tummy ache. There was a huge amount of detail in all the rooms, with bright colors and crazy 80's patterns. I think I'll write a screenplay and try film it in the summer.

Today is day 1 of my 'Scottish sculpture workshops' residency. Lumsden is quite pretty, despite it only being one street. I'm very happy to see greens again and have some fresh air. I think I'll be taking a few walks this week. In particular to see some old abandoned cottages up the hill.

I'm staying in a nice housie up the road with a few staff that work here. Everyone seems really nice so I'm feeling more relaxed. There are also 4 french students just started so that's also nice. I've got my own studio, which is massive and also an extra dark space just off it for my video work. It still feels really strange but I guess with only two weeks here, I'd best shake that fast.

I had my first meeting this morning, which went great. I feel a bit more excited about my ideas and past work, as it was received well, and they seem excited about it all. Perhaps I need to work a bit more on my articulation though. In fact I know I need too. It's a wonder anyone understand what the hell I'm on about.

I find it funny that my work is so out there sometimes and I'm so um... awkward?! Socially I totally am, until I get to know people. I never used to be this way and I don't really know why I am. I can be confident though and change myself to suit a situation... it's just not entirely comfortable. I don't want to be anyone I'm not, but I also don't want to be like this anymore. I think this residency will be good for more than making and developing my practice.

Oh the sun has come out again, so on that note.

Where Children Sleep.

2011-03-28T11:41:00.000+01:00

I Came across this wonderful collection of photographs by James Mollison, 'Where Children Sleep'.

Over 2 years Mollison photographed the bedrooms of children from all across the world. Accompanying them are portraits of the children and a small paragraph about there lives. Taking with a large format camera, these images are striking, both for their quality value and most importantly for their thought-provoking and more than often heart-breaking insight. I found the images to be incredibly moving and captivating - an instant add to the wish-list of Amazon books.

Some examples:

Indira, seven, lives with her parents, brother and sister near Kathmandu in Nepal. Her house has only one room, with one bed and one mattress. At bedtime, the children share the mattress on the floor. Indira has worked at the local granite quarry since she was three. The family is very poor so everyone has to work. There are 150 other children working at the quarry. Indira works six hours a day and then helps her mother with household chores. She also attends school, 30 minutes’ walk away. Her favourite food is noodles. She would like to be a dancer when she grows up.

Kaya, four, lives with her parents in a small apartment in Tokyo, Japan. Her bedroom is lined from floor to ceiling with clothes and dolls. Kaya’s mother makes all her dresses – Kaya has 30 dresses and coats, 30 pairs of shoes and numerous wigs. When she goes to school, she has to wear a school uniform. Her favourite foods are meat, potatoes, strawberries and peaches. She wants to be a cartoonist when she grows up.

Roathy, eight, lives on the outskirts of Phnom Penh, Cambodia. His home sits on a huge rubbish dump. Roathy’s mattress is made from old tyres. Five thousand people live and work here. At six every morning, Roathy and hundreds of other children are given a shower at a local charity centre before they start work, scavenging for cans and plastic bottles, which are sold to a recycling company. Breakfast is often the only meal of the day.

Home for this boy and his family is a mattress in a field on the outskirts of Rome, Italy. The family came from Romania by bus, after begging for money to pay for their tickets. When they arrived in Rome, they camped on private land, but the police threw them off. They have no identity papers, so cannot obtain legal work. The boy’s parents clean car windscreens at traffic lights. No one from his family has ever been to school.

You can look at more examples here: Telegraph article
and buy the book here: Amazon

Word Festival

2011-03-23T19:01:00.000Z

The Programme for this years, Word festival was announced today! The Word festival is a chance for people of Aberdeen to get some yummy culture without travelling out of the city. Wins all round.

For those not in the know, Word is a writers festival hosted by The university of Aberdeen. Each year a mixed bag of poets, writers and musicians come together and do talks, readings, performances. The likes of Carol Ann Duffy and Jackie Kay have been involved (to name but a few lesbian writers :p)

The festival runs from 13-15 May. Just in time for the end of semester.

Last year's line up wasn't much to write home about, but this year looks pretty pretty good. I'm excited to see Margaret Atwood's name on the programme. I recently bought 'Year of the flood' but have yet to read it. Atwood is known for her feminism and mythological themes and her novels can be classified as science fiction. She writes beautiful things like this:

"I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary."
—Margaret Atwood.

Alasdair Gray is another exciting name to see. Not only because he's one of Scotland's best literature writers but because he is a man of many talents. I remember Steph Studying Lanark a few years ago, its huge and she spent like 3 whole days reading it. I mostly liked the artwork to be fair and haven't quite finished the book. None the less it will be interesting to hear him talk. He also has an exhibition of his artwork through out May in the Old Town house (Aberdeen uni campus/Old Aberdeen).

His art looks like this:

Lovely.

Another point of interest, but perhaps a personal one is Wayne Price. Wayne was Steph's creative writing lecturer at uni. He was the first person (barr me, of course) to take to Steph's writing and really pushed her to create and believe she could be a writer. He also pushed us to start Epershand (our zine for local writers and artsits) and still insists now that when we have the time, we should make a proper go of it. He really is a lovely chap and apparently writes some great short stories (according to the Bridport Prize). He will be talking along side Billy O'Callaghan on the Saturday.

There really is so much on this year that's so great for Aberdeen to have: Ian Banks; Dermot Healy and Paul Trynka: David Bowie Night :D

I think I might check out these two things as well:

These are the exhibitions that are on too:

Website HERE

Programme HERE

Clearing my mind

2011-03-21T16:56:00.000Z

Some photos from today and yesterday.

Another Monday. Another vague blog

2011-03-21T13:01:00.000Z

I feel like I have a million and one things to do today and I've forgotten half of them. I've got that stressed feeling. it's a bit overwhelming and I can't seem to just relax or clear my mind.

I've got so much to do and work out yet my mind wont let me access what it is I exactly need to do.

Materials are on my mind.

I think I'm doing to much, I need to look at everything and take one thing away at a time until I have just one thing to work on at a time. I feel like I've been doing this, but I'm obviously missing something.

I need to go back to basics.

I've been doing more black and white photography, mostly for my own pleasure. I want to concentrate on the tone and light.

Light is something I've always thought to be an important factor and such a beautiful thing, I've been working with natural light this past few days.

I feel like as a distraction, another part of me overtakes my mind into some cloud cuckoo land and reality seems so far away. I wouldn't mind so much if I could only get things done when I need to do them.

Japan Tsunami appeal & a Japanese Cinema Blogathon

2011-03-15T17:13:00.001Z

Through the red cross site you can give money as well find other ways to donate to the Japan Tsunami appeal. I urge everyone just to look and see what they can offer, even taking old clothes etc to a red cross charity shop can help.

If like me you're the poorest of poor students, you can simply write, share a memory or celebrate the beauty that is Japanese cinema, In the hope the appeal will reach other people.

Japan Cinema and Cinema Fanatic are hosting a great blogathon this week to raise money for the relief effort in Japan.

Although my favourite world cinema films are mostly Korean and French (Oldboy, I'm a cyborg, Amelie) there is no denying Japanese cinema has brought us many a great film with outstanding cinematography and original writing.

I first got into Japanese films the easy way - through a friend and 'Battle Royale'. The genius of the film and the mix of beauty and gore made it an instant favourite of mine. Films like Ichi the Killer, audition & Versus soon followed and I loved loved loved them.

Around the same time a group of pub friends turned me onto the magical world of Studio Ghibli, that should be watched by everyone, young and old. Spirited away was undoubtedly the most popular at the time and in a way still is but it was Howl's moving castle that really strung a note with me. The film is truly beautiful, to me unlike anything I had seen that kept the attention and imagination of both my adult self and inner child.

It became more apparent, as I made my way through the studio Ghibli collection, that these films and their genius weren't new but oh so unique. My favourite of all 'Grave of the fireflies' was made in 1988, when I was 3. The film which is an adaptation of a semi-autobiography by Akiyuki Nosaka is an incredibly profound, anti-war animation, Its completely heart-warming and heart breaking all at the same time. There really is no other film like this one.

I'm ever so grateful to have these films in my life, whether in Japanese with subs or dubbed in English.They hold some of the best writing and animation I've ever seen.

The purpose of the blogathon is a great one and I believe it to be a chance to represent that one film that represents your love for Japanese Cinema. So I'm going to represent the underdog in a way. Japan aren't really known for their comedy (as much as anime or horror) but this film really made me smile and came into my life when I really needed it.

'Turtles are surprisingly fast swimmers'

Made in 2005 by Miki Satoshi ('Adrift in Tokyo'), 'Turtles are surprisingly fast swimmers' didn't screen in the UK until 2008. I found it incredibly funny with great energy and the right amount of wit. Its strange and quirky and features the most boring spies in cinema.

The film follows suzume Katagura, a bored housewife who finds a teeny tiny sticker - "Spies wanted". intrigued she phones and later meets the advertisers/fellow spies. Juro Ueno plays the role really well and she is what makes the more effective scenes so enjoyable. I like this type of comedy, its not out to get lots n' lots of laughs, its not crude nor in your face. Its just wonderful and inspiring.

I'm not one really for reviews so I wont spoil the movie nor do it injustice for anyone who hasn't seen it. So here is the trailer:

Lastly I'd like to give a shout out to 'Candy Candy'. It was the animation of my childhood. Although Candy was an orphan she was my hero. I still have my original VHS tape, and treasure it dearly.

Please use the links above to support where and when you can or at the very least encourage others and take part in the blogathon.

Monday.

2011-03-14T12:56:00.000Z

You know sometimes when you say a word and it doesn't sound like a word, of course it sounds like a word but its a strange word and you repeat it over and over, then slower and slower and then normal speed again but with a questioning tone. It just doesnt sound right. I have that right now with 'Monday'.

Anyway today is Monday and I feel a little under the weather. I have Steph's cold from last week. I'm not to bad just not entirely well. Today I wanted to go print my finished (YES FINISHED) photo collection for this weeks crit. I rather do like my photos I do, I think I'll print them tomorrow though, once I work out which paper I want to use.

These are a few pictures (and if your american pic-tooores) of the making a merkin process.

Out of a potential katribitrillion ideas for the design of a merkin I settled for 21 designs and made 15 of them. I photographed 12 of them. Edited 10 of them and settled for a final 8. Which I see working in a 5 or 7 set but I like my 8 so right now its 8.

8.

My favourite finished photo (but not merkin) is this one:

I wanted to work within the fashion aesthetic restraints of photography and keep it modern and fun. I chose to represent this because of the influence the industry has on woman. I've crossed into the notion of self grooming and extreme beauty (stemming from a piece I'm working on with Vajazzling).

With the set complete I can see that my vision is reached. I set out to make this collection and I've done it. I feel happy with it, I really do. In terms of other things I'm working on this doesn't come close to how personal they are. This piece to me serves its purpose and shows another side to my practice and aesthetic.

Looking at the set I can see that how I've been influenced. Completely positively I've learnt not to be afraid of my vision and aesthetic. Its what I envisioned for the set and I like the commercial aspect. It fits.

Edinburgh.

2011-03-13T12:24:00.000Z

On Friday, Steph and I took the train to Edinburgh to see the wonderful 'Iron & Wine'.

As well as taking the train, we stayed in a hotel! Oh la la! No big deal, I know, but usually we're forced into taking the megabus and staying in youth hostels, because we've spent any available money on getting gig tickets in the first place. The worst for us was seeing Amanda Palmer at the fringe festival 2008. We had no where to stay at all! With an open invitation to the after party at the bongo club, we couldn't refuse. I think we got one drink between us during the many cabaret acts. At 5am the club closed and the train station opened shorty after. We huddled together and tried to get a few hours sleep on the cold metal seats before making our way to the... bus station.

On a completely different end to the scale, one time Steph got an invitation to the orange book awards in London. They paid for our flights and we got to stay in the Park Plaza. We dressed up all fancy and made our way to the awards. The situations we find ourselves in amuse us. Although the night wasn't terrible exciting we drank the best champagne and ate mini pots of food. We rubbed shoulders with the likes of Agnes Deyn, Geri Halliwell (HA), the less famous blonde from Ab Fab and lots of woman writer types. We actually left early so we could enjoy a night in the amazing hotel.

Any ways this time round was neither like those extremes. we just wanted to enjoy a weekend together, where we didn't have to think about anything. We spent part of the day in vintage shops around the Grassmarket and visited the red door gallery.

As usually, we managed our way to a front row spot for Iron & Wine. I was so excited, we hadn't seen a live band play since Yeah Yeah Yeahs over a year ago. Iron & Wine have written some of my favourite songs of all time. They hold that deep emotional romanticism that I love. However as the set went on it came apparent that the band had changed somewhat. The gig remind me of when I saw Bob Dylan back in 2007, he changed the arrangement of nearly every song, rendering some of them unrecognisable and just over the top with percussions and electronics. This is exactly what Iron and Wine did. I don't know if I was more annoyed or relieved they didn't play any of my favourite songs. As far as a live music goes though, they played amazingly and with such skill and love. It was worth it alone to just hear this line:

"Someday drawing you different, may I be weaved in your hair?"

I did leave a little disappointed though as I had expected to feel... actually just, feel. I didn't.

The next day we returned to vintage shopping and visited the Fruit market gallery. We saw the Jean-Marc Bustamante exhibition and got to experience the Martin Creed elevator that we missed when we saw his exhibition in the summer. The rain and snow was quite bad so de decided not to see the Jeff Koons exhibition - something I already regret but I'm sure we will go back. Instead we went to Fopp and spent our rent money in books. I prayed I would find 'Just Kids' By Patti Smith and I did, Steph also found many William Burroughs books, but settled for buying only one. I miss Fopp.

On the train home I read 100 pages of 'Just Kids' and cried from the start. It's the best book I've ever read, including my Ali Smith collection. Having just got into Mapplethorpes work and understand it instead of only observing it and rekindling my love of Patti Smith music, this book is everything I need right now, not just because its only natural to read further into the lives of people you admire but because I believe things happen at the right time when you need them most. Watching Jonathan Caouette's 'Tarnation' and hearing 'The Dresden Dolls' for the first time are examples of this.

I will finish the book today and perhaps write a lot more about it, I'm just a litle overwhelmed right now at how perfect it is.

"Much has been said about Robert, and more will be added. Young men will adopt his gait. Young girls will wear white dresses and mourn his curls. He will be condemned and adored. His excesses damned or romanticized. In the end, truth will be found in his work, the corporeal body of the artists. It will not fall away. Man cannot judge it. For art sings of God, and ultimately belongs to him."

Working on a merkin...

2011-03-10T13:45:00.001Z

a few actually. Today I will be making lots of lovely vagina wigs. I have gathered all my materials and the sewing machine is out.

The plan is to use as much of the materials I had access too/fetched. I will stay true to my initial ideas and the fashion aesthetic I want to work with. However I'm sure there will be huge disasters and pleasant surprises.

Fingers crossed! I'm excited!

Influences

2011-03-08T12:18:00.000Z

A lot of my influences are obvious. Everyone and there dog knows that Amanda Palmer is my ultimate influence in life. For various reasons. Its also easy to spot artists I draw from when you see my work, but I want to take a minute to share my love for the not so obvious influences.

Starting with the classic John Hughes movie, 'Pretty in Pink':

and then some MGM musicals. I really wanted to watch Anchors Aweigh last night but it wasn't in its box (tisk tisk)

so we watched my favourite 'On the Town'

To finish we watched 'Singing in the rain'. I think although a popular choice and the main song being quite frankly overrated in comparison to other songs in it. it really is magical. And I enjoy the story line as well as the mad crazy dancing. Why don't people dance like this anymore?

My favourite song is this one:

Everything in its right place.

2011-03-08T11:58:00.000Z

There comes a point in every blog where a certain level of honesty and trust is recognised. I think it's fair to say I'm not one to hold back in this sort of situations and I like to combine my personal life with my professional life. I'll be the first to say that when it comes to me, the line is so blurred its actually more of a gradient. I'm happy with that. I know myself well and my limits, I don't think I ever cross into embarrassing/cringe territory of truth. I hope (?) ...

With that said, I made a decision.

I quit my job, It's more of a leave of absent - a "break" is what we're calling it. With all the cuts and council in a mess I can see this being indefinite though. I have mixed feelings about this but there was such a huge wave of relief after my discussion with my boss that all other feelings hardly register.

Honestly... I'm not happy. And I'm finding it so hard to just say, so there it is.

I'm incredibly grateful for all I have, I'm so connected and in love with what I do and where I am in the art world. I would never give that up or jeopardise it, just to surrender to any mental illness/emotional disorder. I know I'm a strong person but there really are no ways to describe what depression can do to your head and physically too.

7 years ago I was first hospitalised with mental illness that was diagnosed as manic depression and PDSD. I spent 3 weeks on a ward. It was a truly terrifying experience, not just for me but my family too. I promised myself I would NEVER allow something to overcome me as strongly as that did.

With the burden comes a blessing. My determination and will. Not only to overcome, but to succeed and live. I believe that's what I've done ever since.

So to take it back to now, Its spotting things early enough to control it. I know I couldn't continue the way I was so I have to take a step back from the stress of work. It wasn't fair on anyone to be there. Today is my last shift and its with my film making group. We're lucky to have the support of SHMU. That way I know the group will continue and the young people will get a lot from it. All the same it will be hard.

Money will be so tight, and the summer will be a worry but for comedy value, here is a list of all the ways me and Steph have considered making money:

* Obviously first - sell commercial type photographic work, or fine art works, or book in a few children photo shoots. I wont do another wedding though.

* Sell things on Ebay.

* Play online poker. (I'm actually good at poker)

* Steph will play online *cough*Bingo*cough*

* Set up a day tarot reading phone line.

* use said phone line to run sex phone line at night.

* Become lab rats for medical science.

In all seriousness though, money will be a problem but its not something we are going to worry about to much. I've decided to drop my contract phone now that its ending and we will eat tesco value vegetable stir fry for 6 months.

I'm just grateful to be where I am, with the people I know and love. A weight has shifted and I feel like I can concentrate a bit better already.

Now I will bury this blog deep within the rest :)

Keith Edmier

2011-03-06T16:07:00.000Z

Doing some research today and I came across this.

Keith Edmier shows himself inside his mother’s womb in "Beverly Edmier, 1967."

Beautiful.

Pissing in the river.

2011-03-06T11:58:00.001Z

This week has been quite slow but with a few very nice moments and good news too, which has given me a wee boost.

I'm really excited about some of my ideas now. I can see things forming in new ways. They seem to come from a more mature place but carry a fun element. I just think I'm understanding a lot more now - about what I'm working with and also how I work with them.

The studio seems to be quite busy with a lot of great ideas kicking about. I think the crit is going to be a good one, I can't wait to see what everyone's been working on. Fingers crossed I can get what I want to show finished for it.

The sun has been out this week, It makes me smile. I've been wearing my canvas shoes. It feels so nice to walk around feeling the ground beneath me. I think I've really needed that feeling.

Yesterday I cleaned... A LOT! I enjoy cleaning, it helps me think but I can also get quite obsessed. Never the less I went for it yesterday. It was almost as though I was cleaning out my mind of all the shit blocking any real flow. Steph has been quite ill this week so I've been 'nurse Laura' too. Sorting all our stuff out has helped her too. She hates cleaning. We have quite a large room in the flat we share just now. Its huge, we have like our own floor so it kinda feels like we have our own house again. I miss our old house. Anyway I sorted out our room into sections. I made Steph her own work area, she's always complaining my cameras are all over the place. So now she has the whole desk for writing. I also organised our books, Made a wee library of sorts. I made myself a work area but its' more about having all my materials in one place and wall space to look at my work. I'm trying to get out this bedroom studio routine. The next two weeks are going to be about getting out and into the studio and things.

Today is all about getting myself organised for tomorrow. I wanted to get my mind straight so this week can be busy and hands on without to much questioning. I also wanted to update my blog so I could get all my thoughts out and carry on. Job done *tick*

Steph has been reading some Kathy Acker and thought I would really like her work. I do. Its tremendous but quite difficult to read, both in subject and style.

"I'm no longer a child and I still want to be, to live with the pirates. Because I want to live forever in wonder. The difference between me as a child and me as an adult is this and only this: when I was a child, I longed to travel into, to live in wonder. Now, I know, as much as I can know anything, that to travel into wonder is to be wonder. So it matters little whether I travel by plane, by rowboat, or by book. Or, by dream. I do not see, for there is no I to see. That is what the pirates know. There is only seeing and, in order to go to see, one must be a pirate."
— Kathy Acker

I am listening to Patti Smith today. Here she is live with 'Pissing in the river':

Robert and Shana Parkeharrison.

2011-02-27T12:57:00.000Z

Came across Robert and Shana Parkeharrison today. Their images remind me on a few things: The dreamy/fantasy photography I used to really love; listening to The Smashing Pumpkins; being in the darkroom; 'Blackbird' by The Beatles and watching old MGM movies.

In all seriousness though it is safe to say these can be viewed as the essence of dream photography of contemporary art. The images are manipulated and also made to look older than their time.

“[T]he ParkeHarrisons printed their photographs from large paper negatives made by cutting and pasting a variety of images together. The underlying mechanics of this technique–including the seams between individual images–are carefully painted out in the negative. A photographic print is then made, which is often painted with a layer of varnish or beeswax. This genuinely original technique, combined with their elaborate process of set construction, crosses many creative boundaries. The result is a fascinating hybrid of sculpture, performance, painting and photography.”

"My photographs tell stories of loss, human struggle, and personal exploration within landscapes scarred by technology and over-use…. [I] strive to metaphorically and poetically link laborious actions, idiosyncratic rituals and strangely crude machines into tales about our modern experience."

--Robert ParkeHarrison

I think there would've been a time when these series' would've had me in complete awe. I think the images are incredible, I do, but I think more that they've helped me see a growth in myself and my interests. Before I would've tried to recreate images like this just because I could. Other than the aesthetics of my own attempts they wouldn't mean or say much more than that. I'm still captivated by the imagination of others (certainly when it comes to film) and I value so much the background of parkeharrisons themes and explorations. To me the honest works of Robert Mapplethorpe or Nan Goldin say a lot more to me at this time. It's not to say there images aren't honest in there message or actually content, because so much of them deal with exactly that.

When I look at my own work, any of my work. Its the honest moments I favour. I think right now I look for the RAW and the truth of the moment.

All the same I'm glad I found these images today. And more so this:

This is part of Parkeharrisons's new work (2008) titled 'Counterpoint'.

“Nearly a decade after the publication of The Architect’s Brother, Robert and Shana ParkeHarrison will be releasing their second title which revisits themes explored in the first book including man’s destruction and healing of the planet. Shot in color, the photographs also utilize the ParkeHarrisons’ early technique of applying pigment by hand, directly to their large-scale prints. Robert ParkeHarrison once again appears as the Everyman of the book’s visual narrative–one who despite the will to effect change, is all too often rendered impotent and ineffectual. The ParkeHarrisons also explore the epic landscape as a metaphor for the state of mankind, particularly alluding to recent natural disasters and their aftermath.”

Looking at these colour images make me think of a more modern time and I can relate to them better because of that. I recognise the purpose and feel more connected, despite the fact they still carry this conceptual manipulation, more so the 'Winter Arm' below.

hmmm... actually I really love these images.

Robert Mapplethorpe

2011-02-27T12:02:00.000Z

Yesterday I watched a Robert Mapplethorpe documentary and found the inspiration I've been longing for this whole year. I'd been meaning to get closer to his work, as I was drawn to the beauty he was able to capture. However, I never realised just how relevant I'd find his work and just how heart-breaking his life was: his life long relationship with Patti Smith; his devotion to photographing flowers just as much as the male nude and his death to AIDS in 1989.

There is such a deep honesty in every one of his shots. Mapplethorpe's extraordinary vision shows us exactly what he saw. I find it really hard to question anything about his work, I just get it. I'm just completely overwhelmed by his portraits. So powerful.

On a lighter note...

2011-02-24T21:20:00.001Z

Iron & Wine.

"Tonight, we're the sea and the salty breeze
the milk from your breast is on my lips
and lovelier words from your mouth to me
when salty my sweat and fingertips

Our hands they seek the end of afternoon
My hands believe and move over you

Tonight, we're the sea and
the rhythm there
the waves and the wind and night is black
tonight we're the scent of your
long black hair
spread out like your breath
across my back
Your hands they move like waves over me
beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea"

- Sea and the Rhythm - Iron and Wine.

There are no words to describe how much I love the songs of Iron & Wine. If you haven't heard them and you're reading this, please just one song. I recommend all and any. I'm lucky enough to be seeing them in Edinburgh in a few weeks time. Would a lovely weekend that will be.

These three are stunning:

"She says wake up it's no use pretending
I'll keep stealing breathing her
Birds are leaving over Autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open
Naked as we came
One will spread our
Ashes round the yard

She says if I leave before you darling
Don't you waste me in the ground
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open
Naked as we came
One will spread our
Ashes round the yard"

- Naked as we come - Iron and Wine

"Waking before you
I've got a fever and a childish wish for snow
Seems like a long, long time
Since I spun you to this borrowed radio
You pick a place that's where I'll be
Time like your cheek has turned for me
Someday the waves will stop
Every aching old machine will feel no pain
Someday we both will walk
Where a baby made tomorrow is again
Waking before you
I'm like the lord who sees his love though we don't know
Seems like a long, long time
Since I've been above you seen and loved you so
You pick a place that's where I'll be
Time like your cheek has turned for me"

- Someday the waves - Iron and Wine

"Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger"

One of many verses that show exceptional song writing - The Trapeze Swinger- Iron and Wine.

Aberdeen 1 - 0 Banff

2011-02-24T21:01:00.000Z

This week has been quite a difficult week. I'm in a total mind block. I didn't take have the images and videos I wanted to take in Banff and the ones I did, I'm finding hard to even look at. I spent an evening with old friends which was nice but I still felt so odd. I can't even describe what happens in my head. I went to the local pub on Saturday night with another friend who had also went home for the weekend. We're really close but I barely talked to her, for a while I never noticed. I was so in my head but even when I did notice, I didn't seem to mind or even try. I felt so stuck in it. I cried a lot this week.

Yesterday I was looking after my 3 year old Nephew, Hayden, when he came down awfully sick. He complained of a sore ear that progressed rather scarily to a sore head and throat and then suddenly within half an hour he was sore all over. Luckily my sister lives near my mums so she quickly came over. We took him to the GP who advised us to get to Aberdeen kids A&E rather sharpish. My sister was in floods of tears and it was terribly heartbreaking.

Seeing such a young child sick is one of the worst things imaginable. I've never said it with a true emphasis before BUT how lucky are we in this country to have the NHS. I know I know, they can be rather plum at times but to have a free service who helps everyone is such an overlooked and undervalued thing in the UK.

Seeing Hayden so ill really put things into perspective for me. I really thought it could be meningitis, luckily tests last night have ruled all the serious things out. He's got an excessively swollen gland in his neck which is the main cause of him being ill and also what's stopping him from moving. Today he looked better, but seeing him with a drip in and lying in bed, really brought last years back to make, how much time I lost but how lucky I am.

Snaps I took of Hayden a few days a go.

I've never been one to take my life for granted, people who know me know that I really try to make the most of everything I have. Sometimes (and in particular, now) I get paranoid that people around me think I'm a bit to selfish and serious. I just really care so much about my life and right now it's all about really going for it. I'm 25 and damn happy to be right in the thick of it!

I just deleted a huge rant that sort of went into this silly angsty place that was necessary for the moment for me, now I'm over it and and I feel my mind is a little bit clearer for it. I need to filter out so much more shit and focus, focus, FOCUS.

I haven't done any meditation this week.

I haven't done much research.

I never wrote about TIPA. I took notes and found it so inspiring and interesting and also an eye opener both in a negative and positive way, but I need to remember to output.

I also haven't progressed to much with the SSW opportunity. I wrote my proposal and then didn't really believe I should be submitting it. I've come over that hurdle thankfully and will be sending it in the morning after a little check over.

Steph is also back tomorrow which is great. I'll spend the weekend with her, relaxing and working out a productive plan of action.

I'm glad to be back in Aberdeen tonight.

Tomorrow I will return the overdue lenses to uni, (oops). Collect Steph from the airport. Visit Hayden in hospital. Send my SSW proposal. Clean the flat. Relax.

Passive Aggressive notes

2011-02-23T12:19:00.000Z

A recent post on 'Passive aggressive notes' that made me chuckle.

Signed, R. Mutt
February 12th, 2011 · 35 comments
What’s wrong with America today? If you ask Jason in Los Angeles, it’s people who don’t return their shopping carts. At least, that’s the action that prompted this note (which was originally attached the the upright cart itself).

That note, in turn, inspired this Dadaist creation:

For a steph.

2011-02-21T22:54:00.000Z

Seeing as you are all the way in Norway, trying to write some beautiful fiction and reading my blog as a way of being less home sick, this is for you:

1. An anthology of conceptual writing. I really hope you like this. I understand if you can't do too much reading write now. It can be for treats later. The whole site is very good and is the cause pf me staying up all night that one time watching performance's of Marina Abromovic.

2. A photo of Toadfish from Neighbors (as it was the best image from a 'for steph' google image search).

3. A plug of your blog (Keep passing the open windows)

Stephanie Torrance is a talented writer from the one street town of Dyce. She likes books, famous lesbian writers, Kevin Smith movies and when we had clouds on our bedroom ceiling. She keeps a blog of her creative writing. Hopefully she will add old words as well as new, as they are very good. One day she will not serve coffee and she will write words all day long.

Read her blog HERE!

4. A photo of Miriam Laplante from TIPA. What a woman!

"So what if you don't love me, fuck you!!" - Miriam Laplante.

Banff

2011-02-20T20:06:00.000Z

This week I am home in Banff. I've been here since Friday night. I really felt like I needed to get away from the city for a little bit. There are a few projects that I need to work on that require both being in my home town and also a higher level of concentration that for what ever reasons I cant find right now.

I'm not feeling to great in myself. Mental my heads all to pot again. I can't seem to find a clear path. My head feels like a thousand cut wires.

Banff, actually doesn't seem to be much better for me - family and children and blah blah blah.

I took this today.

I don't really have a lot more to say at this point. My head is full of thoughts but I can't articulate anything. Maybe when I get a minute to myself I'll be able to focus.

A Short book I made.

2011-02-18T14:56:00.000Z

Looking through some old work and I found this. I made it for last years CCS written word, Unfortunately I never got the hard copies back because they were thrown out whilst I was in hospital. Which is a huge shame not only because I rather like them, but because they took forever to make on the sewing machine and typewriter. I can make a new one of course.

...

2011-02-18T14:11:00.000Z

I lay awake last night having pretend conversations with you. Conversations about whether you were a dog or cat person, where we would go for the best cup of coffee -which would just lead us to my house, where I would make you it. We talked about why I felt so isolated and alone right now.

4.08am came and went. I heard the morning birds chirping and felt a warm, summer like feeling. A wash of various memories came over me: being out to late on long summer night when me and sister were kids, rolling down hills and just laughing; camping at festivals or my friends back garden; staying up all night on my first personal computer just to talk to a friend half way across the world because we shared similar 'psychiatric' problems and the perfect sunrise. A sunrise that could fill my whole room with a beautiful orange and pink glow, that could preciously reflect off the spinning crystal and glass bead chime, causing a millions tiny rainbows to form around me.

I wouldn't give up my life for a million pounds, for a turner prize nor for all the tea in china.

Airport.

2011-02-18T10:58:00.002Z

Waiting for Steph's flight to Norway. I don't know why my tummies flipping so much, I'm not going anywhere!!

Louise Bourgeois

2011-02-15T14:27:00.001Z

What a truly wonderful inspiration of a woman. I touched on her her a few times last year but never truly stopped to take her all in. I remember a few years ago being drawn to a portrait of her by Annie Liebovitz, (at the time not realising who she was). Now I see that portrait really captures her entire essence.

Much like Tracey Emins work I love the use of the written word and materials. although a small area of Bourgeois work, this piece resonates with me.

Cripple and the Starfish

2011-02-15T13:19:00.001Z

I took some old photos from my cripple and the starfish shoot and made this triptych:

I feel very close to some of these old sets right now. I think it's because I can spots themes and interest that didn't really come to me before. I think that might because I didn't believe in my own thoughts. I had to take inspiration from else where and form art around that. For instance these images are meant to illustrate the very beautiful but heart breaking song by Antony and the Johnstons. I think they offer a lot more than that now.

Antony and the Johnsons - Cripple and the Starfish

The list - update.

2011-02-15T12:57:00.000Z

So here is some good news: click

Not to shabby being featured on the home page along side Peter Mullan, Mogwai, Eddie Izzard and Rob Zombie :D

My own little page. Beats me what 'Multi-laser' is but I wont complain. hehe!

Yves Klein

2011-02-15T12:22:00.001Z

Anthropometries of the blue period and fire painting: two performances (1960)

Recovering.

2011-02-15T11:34:00.000Z

After a terrible weekend and an even worse Monday, I'm starting to feel better.

This is what I look like today:

See - not to bad at all!

Yesterday I got really sick and spent 12 hours vomiting. Luckily it wasn't related, like a head injury. I slept the best part of 24 hours and woke up today with such great relief. After spending so much time last year in hospital I really didn't want to be weighed down with this... again.

Unfortunately I've had to contact Peacock and tell them I can't help out with filming the TIPA event. Its really sad but I cant have the pressure right now. I plan on going along to the whole weekend though and will bring a camera too. Its just such a wasted opportunity to be apart of something, but never mind.

On Friday Steph is going to Norway to visit a friend. I think I might spend the week at home in Banff. take all my work out there and try and find some peace to get on with things.

For the time being I'm going to get stuck into more research and lose myself in such wonderful things.

We are everything/we are nothing.

2011-02-13T12:37:00.000Z

Dear Blog,

Last night I got attacked in town by two girls and a man. By defending myself, it turned into a fight. I didn't want that to happen, but I also didn't want to be killed. My basic instinct to survive made me feel so powerful, but at the same (almost euphoric) moment I felt like a terrible person. I felt like I was nothing

The attack wasn't the worst thing to happen last night. Although my bruised face would tell you differently. My best friend, the only male I feel one hundred percent comfortable with caused a lot of the pain and tears that made up last night.

We walked to town, at times it felt like a scripted film, a beautifully heartbreaking type where there are sudden realisations. Only our realisation was only one of us would survive. It felt like he ripped my heart out repeatedly. I still don't know where it came from. I don't know what's going on in his mind to cause him to say such terrible things about himself or about me. Although some of the things he said were compliments to my achievements, life and future, they were said in such a strong evil and hatred way. I felt a huge wave of resentment.

I felt like he was leaving me.

Out of love? hate?

we're the same person me and him... at times. Not last night though.

He left, running into the night.

I stayed, and got punched in the face, by a man: Another man; who means nothing to me; who caused only temporally facial disfigurement.

Art must be beautiful.

2011-02-11T14:58:00.002Z

A video of 4 Performances by Marina Abramovic, 1975-1976

1.Art must be beautiful, Artist must be beautiful.

2.Freeing the voice

3.Freeing the memory

4.Freeing the body.

Fun websites.

2011-02-11T14:08:00.002Z

These are good when you need a break from serious life:

passive aggressive notes

lolcats

Awkward family photos

Shit my dad says

Tonight

2011-02-11T12:27:00.000Z

I'm going to see this movie with my ladyfriend:

This week...

2011-02-11T12:24:00.000Z

I've done a wee bit of experimenting after my epiphany of ideas.

Here is sneak peak:

developing time in cold cases

One of my images that I got that initial 'happy about this' feelings

Down stairs work station, haha!

a Fish eye look at my successful images.

Doing an emulsion lift. being very carefully not to rip or damage the image.


This took the longest to do as it was so fiddly, had to be precise and is part of a larger piece	.

I have listened to this Damien Rice song far to much:

The final minute of it hits me like a thousand million lighting bolts at once. I'm planning on learning it for the ukulele.

Speaking of ukulele, music man Mike taught me how to translate guitar chords to the uke. Its very complicated but I'll get my head round it one day. I'm really into 90's dance songs right now and acoustifying them.

Acoustifying? I think I just made a new word :O

This week I also made a new word...

The word: Acoustifying
Meaning: to take a song and play it acoustically on a guitar or ukulele.
In a sentence: I just found this rad 90's song and I'm going to be acoustifying it over the weekend on my totally hot ukulele.

Turns out that word actually does exist... so yeah. I think I'll stick to the 'photo thing'.

'Photo thing' - What my family call what I do.

Actually my immediate family are really supportive now, They haven't used words like 'photo thing' in a while.

I think I just killed the blog entry.

Speaking of my job...

2011-02-11T11:25:00.000Z

With the main building closed down and the moving of commnity centre, lots and lots of things were just left. With the help of the Janitor I managed to scoop this rather awesomely exciting Tandberg video conferencing set up!

The wires took so so loooong to sort out, and I had to carry it all home on the bus (not the TV) but its well worth it. Now I know it all works I can get it set up properly with my desktop and a few monitors, add other cameras maybe. Defs need to try this one with a projector.

A different work.

2011-02-10T17:47:00.001Z

When I'm not being a student, I'm being a teacher... or sorts. I work as a youth worker. Sometimes I have a lovely group of young people who like to actually take part in activities.

Right now I have a film making group, who are about to film the last few scenes of a (spoof) zombie movie. To get the go ahead with a group like this is just amazing. Best youth work I've done in Aberdeen. It's doubly great because we work along side SHMU, who help with tech parts, supplying the best equipment and helping me learn the bits I don't know yet.

I've had various groups form music to healthy living and in my last job did a week long school of art and most importantly helped young people open and run there own youth cafe.

Although not completely relevant to the course, its been playing on my mind all week so had to write about it.

You see, a young girl, 14, died last week. She got hit by a car and passed away in hospital. I wont name her or go into details but it turned out this girl was a young person who frequented our drop ins. Dealing with grief is hard, but to be a child or teenager is very strange and that extra bit heartbreaking.

I spent Monday night with my collogue talking to the young people about everything - how they felt/how its effected the school/friends/family/the reactions. My music group even started writing a song in memory.

That same night we had an older group who the girl hanged out with. Her best friend also appeared. Its hard to communicate with this older group as they are so disconnected, antisocial and frequently use drugs. We're at a stage where they only get to use the gym hall facilities to play football as they're abused the other areas and even stolen video consoles. On this particular night, we were on tenterhooks, but they were out to cause grief and high as kites. Without detailing, they basically abused the building and staff to the point the police had to be called. Upon police arrival the young people stampeded the door, crushing me into a railing without an ounce of respect.

I find the dynamic so hard to understand right now. I'm tired of reaching out to these teenagers. I can't believe on the same night, hearing about a girls tragic death her own friends and best friend come in and act the way they do. I know grief is a strange thing, I just think I've reached my level of tolerance. I'm more sad and puzzled than angry.

I carry my work for too long. I don't know if its doing much good to my thought processes and flow. I really don't want to have to work in my final year. Anyway I had to get all that out of my mind.

Sleep.

2011-02-07T10:39:00.001Z

Yesterday I spent the day trying to resolve some of my past pieces as well as brainstorming where to go from here. I've found an area that I want to continue working in, but in that area I'm finding it hard to say exactly what I'm trying to say. I've spent basically the last 2 months trying to work that one out. But at least the two years of finding an area are over... for now.

I went to bed to no avail.

Sleep is a terrible thing for me. I've had on/off insomnia and sleeping problems since I was a kid. My sleep goes several ways:

1. I enter such a late deep sleep (normally in the morning hours) that I can't wake myself from my dream. My dreams can be so vivid, so real to life, but once I know I'm dreaming (lucid) I find it so hard to bring myself out. Almost like I'm pinned down.

2. I surface sleep. This normally includes a lot dreams, usually scary. I frequently wake myself and others up by screaming and crying. Sometimes laughing to of course.

3. I don't Sleep.

Last night I didn't sleep. A mix of reasons I guess. I tried and tried but wide awake. Some ideas started coming to me (as they do at this hour) and then smack, the very thing that's been on the tip of my tongue for the longest of times came to me. I wrote it all down... on my handy iPhone glow notepad ;)

Other things I did whilst not sleeping (with no light on, as to not wake Steph):

*I organised my apps.
*I downloaded and played some movie game.
*I tired to call the cat.
*I shoo'd the cat away when he started tearing things up.
*I sang in my head 'Maps of Tasmania'
*I played through the uke chords whilst doing this
*I accidentally elbowed Steph in the face. She noticed.
*I listened for the heating going on and off every 20-30 mins because someone set it wrong.
*I watched Steph get up at 6am. We chatted about my night.

I'm often reminded of this Edgar Allan Poe quote:

"Sleep, those tiny slices of death, how I loathe them".

I guess I win and lose in these situations.

It's snowing today.

Polaroid Land cameras, emulsion lifts & making a negative

2011-02-06T19:50:00.001Z

This is one of my polaroid land cameras:

I've had it for many a year, This month I learnt to fix the corroded battery compartment and actually take photos using it. Not only this but I learn some nice nifty techniques that look pretty pretty nice!

This is the battery compartment and the new battery:

It's not the right battery (as they dont make them any more), so I had to melt quite a lot if plastic and alter the + & - attachments to make it fit. Luckily the connections worked a treat so the cameras actually worked.

The Camera take FP-100c film:

I have Plenty of this film in the freezer, plus some already in the camera so I was ready to go. I did a few test shots just to make sure it was all working. The film, which you need to pull out of the side of the camera, is in two parts. A positive side - the image and the negative side- a negative which is black and surrounded in the paper you pull. You need to develop the image inside the silver plates for 1 minute then pull apart.

Once done you can choose to disgard the negative or use it for an emulsion lift.

Emulsion lift 1:

Basically the emulsion lift has to happen fast. Whilst the negative is still wet, place it emulsion side down onto another surface - paper/glass/material, and press hard, maybe use a roller or something. Once you're satisfied you can lift the paper and you're left with a rough faded version of your positive image.

Emulsion lift 2: (the pretty amazing lift)

This includes quite a few steps so I will post a video of exactly how its done, but basically you need boiling water, a new surface and the positive image. You place the photo into a bowl of boiling water and wait like 30 seconds. You take tweezers and you can slowly seperate the image (a silk like material image) from the backing. Remove the backing and let the image spread out. carefully mount it onto your new material.

This is how I did it with my trial image, It looks crap but I managed with minimal tearing. The images, in my opinion look best on glass and things.
My image is black, because the picture I took turned out that way. If I had used my daylight one the image would've been exactly the same as before the process.

These examples are truly truly amazing:

How to video:

Making a Negative from a polaroid:

At first I didn't actually believe this could be done, but its the easiest thing to do and involves only bleach, tape and the negative part of the polaroid - yes that black, paper part that most people throw away!!

All you need to do is drip diluted bleach onto a a taped down polaroid (emulsion side down), spead the bleach all over and then with tissue wipe off. There are a few ways to do. but it really is that easy. you can then clean it up - careful not to scratch it to much, unless you want it like that.

Mines looked like this:

Other examples once scanned look like this:

I'm pretty excited about these techniques. I have 40 shots left to use and once I've discovered my subjects, I'll be putting these to the test.

A few of my favourite things:

2011-02-06T18:51:00.001Z

Mostly a collection of my cameras and books, but these are the things we choose to surround ourselves in our cosy wee room:

A Jesabel

A Skrinkle

A Steph.

Rather vague, I know. I have specific favourite things - like my signed Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaimen book, My yellow bag, My green gloves, Setlists from gigs, Golden the pony boy, my collection of 6 of hearts cards. I might post photos of them one time.

Beginners

2011-02-05T16:10:00.000Z

This new Mike Mills film looks Positively, absolutely, Undeniably and reliably great!

You can also check, check, check out his website/blog here

This is Performace Art

2011-02-05T10:09:00.000Z

This is Performance Art is on from the 16th to the 19th of February, and is part of peacocks programme.

A 4 day pass is only £15, which is a total bargain considering all that's on.

Black Market International, in residence as part of TIPA Europe 2011, kick-start everything here in Aberdeen. The collective, featuring Alastair MacLennan, Boris Nieslony, Elvira Santamaria Torres, Jacques Van Poppel, Jürgen Fritz, Lee Wen, Miriam Laplante, Norbert Klassen and Roi Varra, will be travelling to the city for the very first time for the four-day programme. The festival includes performances, installations and a workshop, as well as an opportunity to meet the artists on their arrival into Aberdeen at a discussion chaired by Lindsay Gordon, Director of Peacock Visual Arts.

I'm really hoping I can gain a lot from it. Although the workshop idea scares as well as excites me.

The List.

2011-02-04T16:18:00.002Z

From that rather exciting news on Central Station, I got an email from a rather lovely chap, a visual art editor at 'The List' Magazine. He said:

"Every issue we run a feature in partnership with Central Station where we showcase new talent in the visual art world. I spotted your work online and wondered if you'd be interested in taking this issue's slot?"

This to me is pretty exciting, amazing news. So I wrote a wee biog for him and gave him my Standing woman in Red image. Fingers crossed it works out. Hopefully it will be in the March Issue, which by the by is free to look at either on the web or in stores/music venues in hard copy!!

This made my day.

Central Station.

2011-02-04T16:07:00.000Z

There is this pretty awesome artist community website called Central Station that I've been part of for the last 2 years. I decided to actually start using it effectively so I updated my profile, added more art and groups and look what happened!!

I got into the daily feature - Artist of the day!

page one.

page two.

Page three.

A short history (of my recent works)

2011-02-04T15:55:00.001Z

Last semester has probably been the most personal time I've had with myself for many years. It was definitely the most demanding and testing, but it was also the most collected, successful and fun. We had an exhibition to finish the semester, which went amazingly. Here are some photos from that:

From outside - The Pier on Belmont St.

Some Friends not quite made up there minds, yet.

All I exhibited, together.

Here is a closer look at my images:

Standing Woman in Red 1

Standing Woman in Red 2-4

Standing Woman in Red 5-10

I'm going to be focusing on the video for this semesters work, I plan on really getting into each fragmented part and solving them individually then work out my vision in terms of display and exhibit. working progress of the video will be frequently updated.

I keep a flickr account which is over on the side somewhere ---> this has all my past practice in terms of digital photography, commercial work etc.

Also...

2011-02-04T15:25:00.000Z

I took these the other day. I like them for what they are. Some times I just need to take a break form working so seriously and just point and shoot beautiful things. I'd stopped doing that so much, so this is a start to that.

Recently in other photography...

2011-02-04T15:17:00.001Z

I photographed my brothers wedding. It was on December 27th, although I processed these a while ago, I need to make a photo album so I'm still working through them. Here are some of my favourites from the day.

The wedding was beautiful, the ceremony in particular was special. The marriage took place on Spey bridge and included a more traditional and spiritual service, with hand fasting. The humanist who married them was perfect. The entire wedding was fitting to the family and friends and everyone was just so... happy!

iPhone...

2011-02-04T13:42:00.001Z

A blogging extreme...

Location:Aberdeen,United Kingdom

A fresh.

2011-02-04T12:54:00.000Z

Turns out I've had a blogger account with 2 live blogs since August 2005. My main one was for my writing... all of which was utter crap - early lesbian talk and the other was a collection of lyrics/quotes/interviews I had been saving. My last entry was June 2009, the day before my 24th birthday and the last day of college. I talk about getting into art school and how much I was looking forward to a change in course and an artist freedom. Sort of strange now I find my way back into blogging through the course.

I've been really interested in starting a video log or 'Vlog' for ages so I think I might start doing that here also. I'll still keep my tumblr blog open but keep that mainly for the community and interface.

Today I started something new, in a way I want to keep it hush hush but in another way its all kinds of important so I want to be able to vocalise that. I have three full days off together in which things will be tested out. I'll be spending pretty much all this time alone so I'm looking forward to whatever might happen.

Amanda Palmer

2011-02-03T17:02:00.000Z

Amanda Palmer's latest venture... down under. Really can't emphasise how much this woman has helped my development over the last 6 years.